Shame

Let’s revisit the story “Truth and Falsehood” again.  The punchline is, “There you have it. A well-dressed lie is being
 chased by the naked truth and it’s been like that ever since.”   One of the well dressed lies we continue to chase is
 that addiction, in any of its manifestations, doesn’t happen to US.  It happens to THEM.
In 2018 in the United States of America, everybody knows somebody who has been affected by an addiction.  
To pretend or purport otherwise is absurd.  We applaud the young man bravely sharing his story to a civic group,
or the young woman in the public service announcement.  The keynote speaker who shares a story of recovery
and success gets a standing ovation. So, shame is no longer an issue.  Right?
WRONG!!
It’s okay as long as it’s not the person working next to you.  It’s okay as long as it’s not your child’s teacher.  
It’s okay as long as the facility where you work is away from “those people” getting support services of any kind.  
It’s okay as long as where “they” live is in a neighborhood is far, far away from the neighborhood where you live.  
Sadly, I have seen all of these scenarios play out in real time in my community in just the last few years.
I’m going to tell you a secret.  People in recovery are more ashamed of what they have done in the past than you
could ever know. Please don’t make it worse by treating them like the lepers of the 21st century.
Here’s another secret.  When someone is living without use (or benefit) of mood- or mind-altering substances,
including alcohol, that someone is out of step with the rest of society. Communion at church, a toast at a wedding
or celebration, wine with a family dinner or when dining out, all become awkward moments for the person who is
 abstinent.  Often that discomfort leads to peer pressure of the worst kind.  “Of course you can have just one...”
 which is just not true.
And here’s the best kept secret.  People in recovery have to resolve the issues and the wreckage of their pasts,
either because the law requires it, or their families deserve it.  Not to do so puts the recovering person at risk
of relapse due to the burden of the shame and the guilt that accumulated during their active addiction. People
in recovery work at being a better person tomorrow that they are today in order to have hope of the better life
that is promised.  They become contributing members of society; taking care of their families and their own
personal business, working, paying taxes, and voting.

And yes,  it DOES happen to us….to 15% of us, regardless of socioeconomic class or any other variable.
So, when all else fails, please be kind and respect the effort it takes to be a sober person today.